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The Great Spill of Time

The Great Spill of Time

I.

The typewriter sits in the dark, dumb. No vocabulary, just letters he can’t coerce together.  Un-ribboned; unpressured; un-fingered; he is sprawled on the desk; spread-eagled with his hand twittering with his carriage….and it feels good.  He’s been kicked out; given the short edge of the stick; the long edge of the spool; or given the boot [cause he can’t boot himself]!  ALL HAIL THE ONCE MAGNIFICENT! Short-lived; short-tasked; short-sighted and short –changed.   Que sera sera…

 

II.

Let bygones be bygones, or bye-gones.  Byebye telegraph¸you sparsely dressed note. Your long-redcoated shirt-tails; paper-trails; curtails the day.  Waved off like the dainty-dance of a kerchief in a hand.  Ta- ta !  Replaced by the text; the email; the United Parcel Service, (not to mention the fax and the cell).  No burial in the Abbey. No barge  a-float with fire. The modern world is not Camelot, but it is allotted a great many things.

 

…XI…

 You, you dim little fool. You flickered- flop. The Bulbous-One turned on you; and turned on you; then turned you on; and turned you.  Call it a vacation or a long trip to sea. Is it not a long walk off a short pier? Fuse together the electrical meanderings to form the improved state of glory: light or lit (or a personal turn-of-phrase: bathing in light).              

Alas, I get ahead of myself.  Burn bright on both ends,         (like you, used to)       People still do it in the dark you know; still do it in your arms waxen arms.                There is charm in the old.  Nothing can snuff that out. But I.             I prefer wet fingers,                and I prefer blowing out the flame                like     

                                                                                                                                                this.

   

 

©Umansky 2011

Modern-Like

Imagine us all copper-headed and in a grid of the present interactions of the day.

                                                                        The technological word is reverberating.

There wouldn’t be altercations or inter-textualizations, just pure derailment from the day. (it isn’t all derailments – technology chugs us into the world)

Climb the social ladder of being electronic. Stop putzing and futzing  around on there and we can eagerly elevate ourselves to a national symbol of Present as in:

                                                                                    “I am present in this inter-space.”

Sexism still exists – check the internets. Culture wars; gender wars; there are still cliques – electronic greasers; electronic socs.  

                                                            (watch out Ponyboy –– technology advances)

Children are learning how to talk electronically through trial and error or CTRL + V.  They cut and paste their ways into the world. They are making themselves modern with every clickity-click.

                                    Modern is as Modern does.

It is electric-education. The edification of our electronic nuances. The industrialization of technological-talk. All to be alpha-smart.   The head honcho. The big brother himself.

We are walking blocks of HTML.  We follow and we like; we tag and we comment. We upload and overload ourselves with feeds. We are socially overanalyzing the visual.

It is redefining us.   As we say, “this is my experience in this world.” It is a wonderland; or wondershop (some might say the “wrong shop”), but we are producing new communications. New connections. New mementos.  New trades and trails. New footprints.

                        Don’t you want to get a bite               (or bit?)

 My feelings might change, but my history; my history is permanent.                                                                    

This, too, is permanent.

©Umansky 2011

 

That’s why you marked it with your pencil. Made an asterisk. Boxed-it in.  Put a “!” in the margin. Framed the page in sentences.

                                                                        Fleshlings.                  

                                                                                                My real question is why.

It’s nervy acknowledging the meaning; acknowledging what meant what to whom.

 

             I feel the sacrifices.                           The sacrifice of pen on paper.

 

It has merits – the linear sense – as does the non-linear.   It’s in those pauses.

What happens to them after?

Conceiving forever with a sense of nothing in the actual.  Actualizing or conceiving.  Forevering the actuality of conceiving a story inside you.                         (Is nothing in the real.?)

 

Ask:      When she bleeds; do we? 

Ask:      When he breaks down? 

Ask:      And when the great mill floods?  

 

Whatever tangent takes you to this page or that, takes you further along the trail.  Exploring the page.  Each crumbed finger; each dusted tip all carry the breath into the crux of it. The spine. We are pioneering the book:  you and me.  (Yes, the you of the book)

 

I can remember the earliest accident. It was in my hand. It was in my heart.  It was here, and here.       And, even there.                                                 The early accident of fascination.

 

We are forced to see ourselves in fragments:           chapter titles; small quips; asides.

 

Refashioning life to find the stealth.  To find the not-words between the words.

 

 We are to start again.                       Here.               Inside the page.

 

Behind the ink.                                               

                                                                        Behind the not-electric.         

 

                                    The not-wired.

 

In this page,

                         Or that.

 

Here, on this edge –I feel a pulse.

 

I can feel that.

 

© Umansky 2011

After Abandoning

 

After Abandoning

the machine, the teacher knows she’s feeding an industry. The teacher knows the private speech. The teacher knows she has intoxicated the reader. After the abandoning, the teacher knows it is a quarter-after-eight in the morn and it is time.                                     It is time-for.

Experimenting with the automatic; the teacher is deliberate. The doing is abandoned. In the automatic; the teacher must exist not in a special protection or fudged result; but in chance.  In un-chance. In what she cannot distinguish. Like flowers from weeds.                                      Equally beautied.

The classroom is a disheveled laboratory; a kitchen; a hothouse; a sanitarium; a warrior-base. There are appetites. There are starlings. They must feed.  They must.                 Feed, they must.           They must bind their muscles to flush out all. They must twine their tales round their spines.   They must be lyrical; they must be versed; authenticated; because what a teacher knows; what a teacher feels; what a teacher has the ability to teach is that:  life is painful. Life is pained. Life is pain; save for stories –those balms to the wounds with which life burns.

 

© Umansky 2011

Girls

Girls

Girls, every kiss you’ve ever had is in your pores, under the follicle and germinating. A beautyless mark of the disasters we endure when young. All you ever wanted was romance. Was a hand on the back of your neck. Was a hand up in your hair. Was anything but a popularity contest.           [You knew you’d lose]            You wanted something.

                                                                                         I wanted a gasp. I wanted to feel slashed.

I wanted each lip to be kissed separately:

 

                                    top lip,

                                                then the bottom lip,

                                    delicately as if handling glass,

                                                 then together, sweetly. 

 

I had it mapped out – a routine– like the dances we used to make up in our bedrooms listening to tapes of Paula Abdul and Madonna, but this was going to be better. Stronger. Potent. Like the way they make black and white films, chromatic. I wanted it dripping. I wanted it dripping in color.  

                                    In one word:   Cinematic.

 

My first, gave me drool.  It was my fault. It was mine. It was.

                                    No, it was the book.

                                     Its’ pages. stupid, stupid books.

 

Those men wouldn’t rear their heads in the suburbs.   Mine was out in the country. Mine was waiting for his call like a gentleman. [And his call is a wild one.] His call eliminates the stains. His call carries him home to me – where it is celestial. Where it is like remembering. Where he remembers,                                                                                                      where he remembers me.  

                        from a story told to him long, long ago.

© Umansky 2011

 

Marriage

Marriage

The house becomes a non-house. The house becomes nonsense. The driveway, an open door. The street,  agape. The stoop, a hole. You could say, rabbit-hole, but I prefer manhole.

 

© Umansky 2011

The No – Complaint Department

 

[1]

 

I don’t want to reopen this, but

I don’t want to conceal the adoration either.

I don’t not want to reopen it, either.  

 

I don’t want to hear how if this then that; or  it’s not like I’ll  never stop thinking of this or I’ll       always think of  that.

 

I don’t want any of any of that – lose it!

 

I want activity.

I want loveliness.

I want selflessness.

I want material.

I want that marriage welded through – soldered.

 

I don’t want the baloney – it’s hard enough facing the truth.

&  I don’t want complaints.

 

 

 

 

[2]

 

I’m putting up a sign: 

 

 

 

The No-Complaint Department

Hours:

Weekdays: Take a number

Weekends: Take a walk

 

 

 

 

 

 

[3]

 

The saturation would supply the evidence.  At one time or another, there was so much to love.  So much in color and hue.  It could’ve been prostituted in its vivacity, but that’s neither here nor                                                                                                                                         there.

                                                There are always tasks:

                                                1. Close the safety deposit account

                                                2. Buy a proper mop

                                                3. Send a thank you card

                                                4. Stop spending

 

Inventing a backdrop to such chores would be a fantasy.                 [One, I would gladly live in.] 


Can it have:  flowers; pastels; sprayed roses, wood paneling, a claw footed bathtub, and  refurbished upholsteries?

                                                                                    If only this could be reupholstered —                                                                                                                                     [there’s an idea]

 

[4]

 

Favoring words, a natural tendency, I can remember           each    little     one      you      said.

                                                                                      — a list of dualisms.

*

According to a big library in downtown Manhattan, some think that blondes are not reliable, but au contraire monsieur, we are the most reliable.  We gravitate to what we love, to what we desire, to he or she who wants and desires  and of course, to what we love about ourselves (and about you!)

I don’t want to cross the past off; I just want to navigate through it.  Us women already have it hard enough.

 

© Umansky 2011

Ornamentally Speaking

1.

Hanging the truth around your neck would be lovely. I just want to call it all out. I wish I had the word, but I don’t.

 

2.

In guiding human behavior, I’d ask for a whistle. A whistle, only you and small dogs could hear. In guiding; in behaving, or reserving space; eventually rises a scene of the domestic:

A grocery list.

A clogged drain.

An empty pantry shelf.

A caked-up pan on the stove.

 

 

Birthing the modern domestic; birthing this day and that. It’s not the path that brings forth character; it’s the you. The you bring to it.  It would break you down, but not me.

 

*

 

The world lies to us.    Sure,                                                    sometimes.  

But, I won’t.                   I mean, I don’t.                     

 

3.

Getting sucked back is enough to cause a rash. To remember life was grated down, diluted, poached only to ooze all over these days.  It’s hard to stay in the present.

 

 

4.

In the morning separating of yolk and white, I am happy to have my own kitchen to dirty.           

© Umansky 2011         

We are Our Greatest Villains

           

Could be haunted or part bathed in the cathedral-ed. There’s little left to say about it. Just the memorial: It is inhospitable; forbidden; barren and bare in the dark.  Life is dark. Sure, it’s been darker. It’s been hotter. It’s been desperate.

 

No one talks about the miracle. The miracle lies in the light.

 

Incrementally, over time, there were blank spaces, but in a world of definitions and labels; satisfaction is required.

 

I started high, then descended. A positive image, I crooked myself to face the dark and faced the extraordinary and faced,                                 well,          you.

In this mythology;  but, it doesn’t take religion; It doesn’t take the secular or the sacred.                                                                                                It’s all heart.

 

The appeal of life is in the primal.

       [Happiness is not.]

You gathered; I hunted.

 

 

There’s little left to say about it.  There’s little left to say. There’s little left. The bed-frame in the street; the strewn garbage bags; the savage.

 

 

I snicker now, for there’s little left     

 

to say

             

            with words.

 

© Umansky 2011               

How We Make Ourselves

 

Our inner life     becomes us

Our inner life     intercepts us

Our inner life     begins again and again.

 

 

Stepping into it

Putting it back together

Rebuilding and responding

                All to make this: bearable.

 

 

I want to ‘top’ this story.

It always begins this way

It’s in the beginnings of the new that we become who we want.

                The beginnings

 

I’ve always been thankful. For this. For you.

For the not-this that came before.

The days of interrogation are past,

                and passed.

 

This sense of nothing is inconceivable.

History always repeats itself, but the heart,

The heart uplifts; uproots. The heart

                replants.

 

I have done my gardening.

                                         

                

© Umansky 2011